If i come over, it means nothing
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Randomize
