is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
