I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
