You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
