I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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