I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
