He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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