didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
