If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
this hospital has no fireball
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Randomize
