they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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