BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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