im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
