She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
