seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize