Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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