based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
