I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
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