I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
