My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
