i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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