The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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