I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
