Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
