sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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