I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
