just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
