I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
