cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
