I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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