im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
