Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize