I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If I die, sorry about rent.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
