Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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