This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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