he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
