You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
