oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
