party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
