You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
