i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
