hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
