I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
