Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
