worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
