with your own penis?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
