4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
last night I used snow as a chaser
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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