Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
