he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
