fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize