I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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