His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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