You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
