how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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