She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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