Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
whose ass print is on the piano?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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