im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
