Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
