so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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