I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
