Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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