OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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