i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
