dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize