I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
