does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Can Purell be used as lube?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
