I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Im part way to drunk.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize