worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I party with great urgency now.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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