I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
