I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
