You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
