i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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