do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
