I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
someone get that fucking seahorse.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
