Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
