I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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