i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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