This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
