wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
