I skipped work to stalk him.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
