never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
