Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
