she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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