Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
