SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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