ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
