Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
