she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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