you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
