I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
