Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You ate ashes out of my bong
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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