Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
