Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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