Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
and she was petting her beer can
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
