Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
